Things never change

it always happens. i say to myself, "wow, itz been a while since it has happened." or "man i can acutally start to take it easy, maybe it is over. maybe it'll never happen again."

and then bam, one mistake, one slip up - and pandora's box has been opened.

it's weird cuz im not afraid, and yet my heart is beating rlly fast and im breaking out into a cold sweat, i also feel like being sick. it makes me sad because that just means that deep within im set to be afraid, and im set to immediatly dislike and react badly to the situation.

he's not gonna come back. i kno that, and yet it still makes me sad. i wonder why.

there's no1 online, itz sad, lonely, and quiet. underneith it all, is that wat the world is rlly like?

i just wanna cry.

but w.e, i gotta learn to be indifferent. if i dont ill only end up destroying myself.

i dun wanna deal wid dis shit.